At our very first team meeting at the beginning of the school our leaders told us to go off by ourselves and pray about what we were going to do in Turkey (which we still don't know what that is yet). So, I didn't really get much about Turkey. But what I did get was the word unique. I felt as though he was reassuring me that my relationship with Him is unique. I'm the only one that has a relationship with him like mine. (Does that make sense?) I worship the way I do because I love him. Not because someone told me or has shown me that I'm supposed to worship this way or that. I don't have to worry about if people are thinking that I'm doing something because I'm trying to look a certain way or get glory. I worship, serve, or whatever, out of my relationship with him and I don't have to answer to anyone but him. So, let them think what they may, no one knows my heart but God!
So, last week we had a speaker named Kevin Darro. He also did prophecies on Wednesday night. I was a little bit hesitant and scared. Growing up in Assemblies of God I sometimes felt overwhelmed with all the "charismatic" type things. These were more of a hindrance in my life rather than letting me grow in my relationship with God. I'm also very hesitant about "fake" people or things. Anyways, I decided to go and get a prophecy over my life for the first time.
When he got to me he asked my name and right away he said to me, "Rebekah I have a word for you. You are very unique." Hello, did that not confirm my "talk with God" earlier in the school? This guy knew nothing about me other than I was wearing basketball shorts, a sweatshirt and a beanie. I felt like God was telling me, "yeah, I talk to you, and I do love you, and your relationship with me is real."
Growing up the way I did, I felt so conflicted about my relationship with God. I didn't speak in tongues, I never got slain in the spirit, I didn't cry at every single worship service, I never had this ginormous testimony to share at every evening service. Was there something wrong with me? I even had people tell me that I needed to be more like someone else, or I had unconfessed sin in my life. How can I confess more, I'm apologizing for things that maybe I'm doing but don't even know it! I needed to do this or that, so I could be good enough. I felt like a hypocrite because I didn't really want to become a missionary or a pastor or wife of a pastor, God forbid! I never wanted to do something because everyone else did. I would tell God that if he wanted these things for my life he'd have to make it very apparent. Because I didn't want to do these things for the sake of looking spiritual. And I felt bad for feeling this way. Weird huh?
So back to the present prophecy. Kevin verifying this uniqueness in me made me feel validated in how I've felt my entire life. He continued to tell me that my uniqueness brings freshness to the body of Christ. Then he told me that I was a rebel. Not outwardly with piercings or whatever, but that I resisted the "cookie-cutter" Christianity. Does that not confirm my above feelings? That I'm not wrong in not wanting everyone else tell me what my relationship with God is?
He also told me that it was like God had a chisel and there has been and still is chiselling in my life. God was taking away all the things that were not Rebekah, and were not in God's image. To Him, I am perfectly, wonderfully, and beautifully made. He'll get rid of anything that is not reflecting that in my life.
This was so reassuring because I have grown so much in my relationship with Him. I may not be as christanese as I was when I was younger, but I'm so much more comfortable with who I am as a person and with my relationship with Him. He is still showing me how much He loves me, and who he's created me to be. And it's amazing! People may look down on me because I don't do everything right, or fit into their world. I may talk or laugh too loud, but that's how God made me and He loves that about me. So instead of always looking at how horrible I am because I screw up every once in awhile I'm going to rejoice that God is with me, loves me, and created me in my own unique way!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Me
More pictures of YWAM!! I'm trying to update as much as I can. Please be patient with me. I have lots to tell already!!!
Look below for a post that I finally finished about being a disciple.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
We are Disciples!
Our second week of school our speaker was Danny Lehmann. He's in charge of all the YWAM bases in Hawaii. He spoke about Spiritual Disciplines such as solitude, bible readings, prayer, and things like that. It was a great week! I wanted to share something that he brought to light on Monday.
We watched a video and it was talking about what a disciple is. Disciple means learner in Greek. And we all know that Rabbi is teacher. So they gave a little insight into what it meant to become a Rabbi. Back in the day the boys would go to school till they were about 10 or 11 and had to memorize the Torah (Genesis through Deuteronomy), then they would go on to learn the family trade and start working. But, if they wanted to further themselves and become the best of the best they would go on until they were about 14 and finish the memorization to Malachi. Then they would go off and learn the family trade and start working. But, if they wanted to further themselves and become the best of the best of the best, they would then go up to their most revered Rabbi and ask if they could follow after them to learn their ways and become their disciple. The Rabbi would then ask them a bunch of biblical questions to see if this kid had what it took to be a Rabbi. To see if they really loved God. To see if the kid knew all the answers to the Rabbi's questions. The Rabbi might say "Ok, he knows his stuff, he loves God, but, I just don't see that he has what it takes follow me. Go home and learn your family trade." Or the Rabbi might say, "He knows his stuff, he loves God, he might have what it takes. You can follow after me, be my discisple, and learn what it means to be a Rabbi."
This boy would then leave his home, family, friends, and life immediatly go and follow after his Rabbi. When the family and friends would send off the young boy they would say to him, "May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi." Which basically meant that they were always following after the Rabbi, learning all there is to learn from him, so they could become like him.
When Jesus came he was called Rabbi. He was God's Son, the greatest Rabbi ever! He came to regular, poor men, who had no education and were doing the family trade, and called out to them to be his disciples! Could you imagine growing up in this culture, knowing what it took to be a disciple of the Rabbi's, and here is the greatest Rabbi ever to come and he's calling out to you to be his disciple? They were no longer studying, probably illiterate, and in the family trade, and Jesus comes to them and says, "I choose you, I believe in you, and I think you're good enough to follow me and learn from me, and be my disciple." Heck ya I'd drop my nets immediatly and follow Him!
The speaker later talked about Peter walking on water. Yeah, we all know this story, especially if you've grown up in the church. We say, "Peter, so little faith, doubting that Jesus is with him and he'll be ok." But, I had never looked at it in this way. Jesus called out to Peter, and chose him to come . Jesus believed in Peter. Peter knew Jesus would protect him, that's why he jumped out right away. But then, Peter doubted himself. I can just imagine him saying, "Wait a minute, what in the world am I doing? I'm Peter, I can't do this. Yeah, I know Jesus can help me, but I'm just Peter."
What's so amazing to me is that God chose us! He believes in us! He is the creator of the universe and he believes in us just as we are. We don't have to be educated and know all there is to know. He believes in us! He's called out to us! He trusts us! So many times I say, yeah I know God can do anything through everyone, I don't have faith that He can't pull through. But, I always lose faith in myself. I could never do this or that, I could never do a DTS, I could never finish college, I could never walk up to a stranger and ask them if they need prayer. But God believes in me in the big things and the little. And that blows me away!
May we all be covered in the dust of our Rabbi, Jesus Christ!
We watched a video and it was talking about what a disciple is. Disciple means learner in Greek. And we all know that Rabbi is teacher. So they gave a little insight into what it meant to become a Rabbi. Back in the day the boys would go to school till they were about 10 or 11 and had to memorize the Torah (Genesis through Deuteronomy), then they would go on to learn the family trade and start working. But, if they wanted to further themselves and become the best of the best they would go on until they were about 14 and finish the memorization to Malachi. Then they would go off and learn the family trade and start working. But, if they wanted to further themselves and become the best of the best of the best, they would then go up to their most revered Rabbi and ask if they could follow after them to learn their ways and become their disciple. The Rabbi would then ask them a bunch of biblical questions to see if this kid had what it took to be a Rabbi. To see if they really loved God. To see if the kid knew all the answers to the Rabbi's questions. The Rabbi might say "Ok, he knows his stuff, he loves God, but, I just don't see that he has what it takes follow me. Go home and learn your family trade." Or the Rabbi might say, "He knows his stuff, he loves God, he might have what it takes. You can follow after me, be my discisple, and learn what it means to be a Rabbi."
This boy would then leave his home, family, friends, and life immediatly go and follow after his Rabbi. When the family and friends would send off the young boy they would say to him, "May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi." Which basically meant that they were always following after the Rabbi, learning all there is to learn from him, so they could become like him.
When Jesus came he was called Rabbi. He was God's Son, the greatest Rabbi ever! He came to regular, poor men, who had no education and were doing the family trade, and called out to them to be his disciples! Could you imagine growing up in this culture, knowing what it took to be a disciple of the Rabbi's, and here is the greatest Rabbi ever to come and he's calling out to you to be his disciple? They were no longer studying, probably illiterate, and in the family trade, and Jesus comes to them and says, "I choose you, I believe in you, and I think you're good enough to follow me and learn from me, and be my disciple." Heck ya I'd drop my nets immediatly and follow Him!
The speaker later talked about Peter walking on water. Yeah, we all know this story, especially if you've grown up in the church. We say, "Peter, so little faith, doubting that Jesus is with him and he'll be ok." But, I had never looked at it in this way. Jesus called out to Peter, and chose him to come . Jesus believed in Peter. Peter knew Jesus would protect him, that's why he jumped out right away. But then, Peter doubted himself. I can just imagine him saying, "Wait a minute, what in the world am I doing? I'm Peter, I can't do this. Yeah, I know Jesus can help me, but I'm just Peter."
What's so amazing to me is that God chose us! He believes in us! He is the creator of the universe and he believes in us just as we are. We don't have to be educated and know all there is to know. He believes in us! He's called out to us! He trusts us! So many times I say, yeah I know God can do anything through everyone, I don't have faith that He can't pull through. But, I always lose faith in myself. I could never do this or that, I could never do a DTS, I could never finish college, I could never walk up to a stranger and ask them if they need prayer. But God believes in me in the big things and the little. And that blows me away!
May we all be covered in the dust of our Rabbi, Jesus Christ!
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